alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
