You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Panties = found
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
