the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
