Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize