put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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