drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
