how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
