She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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