If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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