tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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