shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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