Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
