I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
