I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
