What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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