I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize