i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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