Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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