there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
