Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
