I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think a kid would responsible me up
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize