If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Alive.
So much puke
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
