I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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