Already got asked if we're dating
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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