i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
