Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
