The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
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