my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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