i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
