in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
