But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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