Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
