If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
