my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
