How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
