I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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