I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
