thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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