found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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