He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
