Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You made out with two different species that night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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