As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's like heaven, but drunker
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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