absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
