Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
