people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
