Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
