My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
