I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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