so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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