You can't motorboat a personality
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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