well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
