Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
