someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
