do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I forget how to act sober
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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