Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
