Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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