happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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