YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
