i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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